Thursday, February 3, 2011

Good Cop or Bad Cop or Sister?

When many of us join a sorority we have the instant expectation for sisterhood.

That's what a sorority is after all isn't it?

We're not just a club or a student group, we call each other sisters, so there's got to be more to it than that.

It comes with its share of difficulty, when there are standards issues, or someone isn't fulling their weight.... what do we do about it? These women aren't just on a committee we see once a week, they're not just peers in another resume pumping activity, they really are sisters.

So when standards issues arise, it's hard on everyone.

The sister who was elected or selected to hold the chapter accountable - it's her job, and you should take pride that she's doing it well to uphold the image and values of our chapter.

The women who acted in a way not reflective of our values - she'll be defensive, if she absolutely truly belived what she was doing was wrong she never would have done it..DUH! She is also a sister of the Director of Standards and Ethics.

So what do we do?

Be perfect and never do anything wrong because we know it becomes a difficult situation for all involved?

But what can we REALLY do?

1. Any standards matters need to be kept private. End of Story.

2. NEVER reply to an e-mail when you're angry/stressed/upset etc... which is bound to happen! Draft an e-mail and send it to your roommate. Call your mom and talk her ear off, write her a letter and never deliver it... it sounds stupid but it works. When you're upset, you have to validate your feelings before you can move on and reflect.

3. Reflect - after you've written but NOT sent your "perfect" reply, you've walked away from the situation, you've calmed might be the next day, or that weekend. Think about the e-mail/notice and what it's saying. What happened? What is your side of the story? How does the chapter see the situation? Were you honest and open about your situation?

4. Review the "accusation" - RE-Read the bylaws, rules, chapter expectations. Did you break a rule? What are you being accused of or what chapter values did your actions compromise?

5. Control your language. In an e-mail. In person. On the phone. Being rude does not help your situation. You are an adult and will be faced with conflict for the rest of your life. Being open, honest and respect to everyone involves shows them that you to demand and deserve to be treated with openness, honesty and respect.

6. When it's done. Let it go. At the end of the day you're sisters. Live our ritual. Be a sister and a friend. Take it, make a solutions, do what needs to be done and what it fair. And forget about it.

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